Today was officially ‘DAY DATE DAY’ as appointed by my husband. I honestly had no idea what a ‘DAY DATE DAY’ was until about 9 hours ago. It apparently mostly just entails making no plan whatsoever outside of creating guidelines for what time we can go back home. Today our goal was to not arrive hone until after 7pm. Whatever we did up until that point was fair game. We could have gone cow tipping and it still would have been called a ‘DAY DATE’. We did not cow tip. We did however randomly drive up to a movie theater to see what entertainment they could offer us after an unsuccessful attempt to go shopping. And can I just say that from now on I will never pay money to see a movie again unless I receive 3D glasses and the promise of a slight case of motion sickness!?
I freaking saw stuff in 3D! Lest I remind you that I have zero depth perception? I live life in a 1D world. Life moves by me as if it were drawn on paper. I am shallow in character and in sight. No joke. This dumb movie about falling meatballs and BLT’s was so full of depth that I nearly teared up. It was like a deaf person hearing their mothers voice for the first time. Truly miraculous people. Truly miraculous.
We seriously did have a good time today. I felt bad after arriving home last night from an overnight women’s retreat, Chris really wanted to take me out for a nice seafood dinner. I convinced him to give me an hour to watch some Hulu and relax a bit before we left. 7 hours later I was still clinging to my comforter and begging for 15 more minutes of sleep. There is something about a weekend women’s retreat that can seriously be so exhausting. I wish I could tell you what it is…but there is nary an explanation. Perhaps I was secretly drugged. Perhaps I was oxygen deprived from talking too much. Perhaps even it was on account of the hairy spider nest nestled 13″ above my pillow thus preventing sleep from lasting any longer than 12 minutes at a time before I remembered my face could at any moment be chewed apart by a swarm of common household arachnids. I suppose it could have been any one of those things (but probably not the being secretly drugged part).
The point of all this being….I may sometimes sleep with spiders in my hair, and I may even go cow tipping on a Sunday afternoon as a romantic gesture to my husband, but above all I can now say that I have seen the beauty of 3D….and nothing can take that away from me.
i love those few moments before bed,
after the showers,
when you get cozy
and laugh
and talk about dumb things.
it’s my favorite.
Christmas list 2009:
1) I will get a hammock this year. I don’t even care how many people have to go in on it together….I need it. Come on guys. I’ve seriously been asking for this for years…..YEARS. Just give me what I want. Freestanding hammock. Make my outdoor dreams come true.
2) Rollerblades. Sounds gay right? Well it’s not. I’ve never had better calf muscles than I did in 6th grade. It was the only transportation I had available. I’m gonna get there again…with the help of my new rollerblades. Chris says I sound stupid…but I could just go around and around in our parking lot. All the kids will be jealous.
3) An ESV bible. Not one of those tiny “I might need a stronger lens prescription to read this” bibles that everyone seems to find so trendy these days. I want something floppy. Approximately 6″ x 8″. Leatherbound. A true show of affection would also include my name embossed in gold lettering. Feel free to call for the correct spelling of my middle name.
4) Anything HERE. That stuff will sell fast….so buy early. I also update it almost daily…so you can keep checking back.
5) Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker. It smells delicious. Not like the delicious scent I currently wear. Chris says I smell like a piece of hard candy. That wasn’t exactly what I was going for.
6) Books by David Sedaris, such as:
- Me Talk Pretty One Day
- Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim
- When You Are Engulfed in Flames
- Holidays on Ice: Stories
7) Donald Millers newest book: A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life (Hardcover). I really like his voice in his writing. Confession time…I never finished Blue Like Jazz. Got close. I’ve read everything else he’s written…including his blog. But his most famous work….eh. Call me quirky. I’d also really like the autobiography of Julia Childs. My SIL Kelli has it and she has said she’ll let me borrow it…but I kind of think I might be in love with Julia Childs and I think I might want to own it.
8 ) I’d really like to have all available seasons of LOST on DVD. I know this is ridiculous considering they are like $50 a piece…but look into….search your heart….really evaluate our relationship and your dedication to my true happiness.
9) Further adding to the ridiculousness….I’d really love a kick butt camera. SLR. Digital. I have a nice point and shoot…but it’d be really rad if I had something to learn to take really good pics that don’t have to be overly doctored. I’m spending an inordinate amount of time photoshopping. I would like to dedicate more time learning to cook.
10) Blankets. I love blankets. I keep one at my desk. On the couch. In the bathroom. Even on my bed. I love them. I hate cold. Please no Snuggies. I will ONLY use the Snuggie if it is accompanied by a pair of roller blades so I can glide along my apartment complex dressed as a Jedi Knight. How incredibly awesome would that be? Is anyone counting how many nerdy Star Wars references I make? I’ve only recently noticed that I do it…but seriously….I kind of heart the original trilogy. If you can find it without the digital remastering you can add it to the list. No VHS please. This isn’t 1991.
Okay…that about wraps it up for 2009. I have high hopes that this recession will create a huge need for the retail market to provide you with many opportunities for sale and clearance shopping. Have at it.
Can I get a ‘wha wha’ from all my hulu.com lovers out there? Regularly scheduled programming has returned people! This summer I have kept myself superbly busy without the reward of online streaming goodness. No House. No Liz Lemon. Not even one awkward Michael moment. It’s been a rough season. But officially we are back on track and ready to roll.
In fact, today…immediately following a quick update on my blog world, I found my way to the new episode The Office and Community (which I am exceedingly excited about). The giddiness created from this hour of new and entertaining time wasting, could only be expressed properly through a game of turkey bowling with my husband at our local grocery. He also somehow talked me into the miniature cartons of ice cream for $1 a piece. What can I say? I was baked off season premier heroine.
So as you could tell from my previous post, we had a pretty rad weekend last week. I mean really rad. You can expect me to write more about that in a few weeks. But I will tell you that while we were away we stayed in an awesome condo on the lake. In the garage we were given access to markers and pens so as to write something inspirational about our time spent in the home. However I…..well I just felt the need to define the phrase “shameless promotion”. From there some friends just rolled with it. Just another testament to the powers of word of mouth marketing. My stats are way up.
Chris: Can I make beer with Matt? It will cost like $60 or $70 for starter stuff. Please.
Me: Yes.
Chris: Sweet. I’m quitting my job to start a brewing ministry.
Me: That seems radical. Please don’t quit yet. It generally takes a few years to generate a profit.
Chris: Profit? ….It’s a ministry. I have to gift it away no matter how tasty it is. It’ll never be better than the gift of Christ.
Me: The charity of drunkedness. Can you show me where that is in the bible or are you just shooting from the hip?
Chris: Get an ESV…you’ll find it.
Me: I don’t need an ESV to spot a heretic.
Chris: I’m only 1/16 heretic and indian and something else. Not sure what that has to do with gifting beer.
Me: You know I’m starting to doubt your book smarts. Maybe being an entrepreneur isn’t your best move.
Chris: So this means you don’t want to invest in my ministry?
I bet you are all soooo sick of this constant blogging. This incessant nagging in your google reader because of my continual updating. It’s like I just never run out of words. I can’t help but have relevant and interesting content. If there was ever a hope of me doing anything with my life, this proves that there just isn’t time. Too much blogging going on for that.
But in all seriousness….I’m so uber boring its kind of getting ridiculous. Nothing funny has even been happening, outside of the rope cuts my husband is blaming me for across the back of his knees following an unfortunate dog walking fiasco. I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed too, probably stemming from the stresses of getting used to a new job. It may have something to do with being a woman and the reality that sometimes we get overwhelmed for no reason whatsoever. It’s genetics. We are allowed.
* Okay…so immediately following the writing of all that…Sydney aparantely had the sudden desire to begin expelling every single bodily fluid she possibly could out of her body simultaneously. She turded….which caused me to squeel…which caused her to abruptly throw up in fear…which caused me to react with anger….which caused her to pee…which caused me to run around chasing her with a leash begging her to stop pee-running….which caused her to hide….which caused me to wake up Chris from his late afternoon-early evening-pre video-game-all-night-extravaganza nap…which caused him to soil his sock in another unfortunate puddle of Sydney’s nervousness. I eventually cornered her onto the patio and began cleaning extensively. She is now spending the evening outside in hopes that she’ll eventually stop exploding, and learn her lesson.
And I wonder why I sometimes deal with feelings of anxiety. No hardworking woman should have to deal with things such this. I’m a good person. I do my best to take care of my husband, house and financial portfolio. Should I really be forced to bargain with a dog over “pee-running”? I ask you people….really….what have I done to deserve this?
All day…just as anything remotely interesting occured, the word “edamame” would awkwardly roll through my brain as if to express a feeling relative to “ichiwawa” or “holy crapola”. It doesn’t matter that edamame is a type of soy bean. It doesn’t matter that no one even eats edamame let alone uses it as a phrase to express surprise or elation. It also doesn’t matter that I will probably continue to phrase the word edamame in all situations possible, because it’s original and ironic and when it becomes the next big “it” phrase, I’ll know that it was birthed right from my horribly wasted brain. Let it be known here and now, edamame is mine (the phrase, not the bean). I may not own the trademark….but mark my words that I will collect the royalties.
Try it out people. Put it on and stand in front of the mirror. Look at yourself and slowly whisper the word “ed-eh-mom-eh”. It just feels right. It makes no difference that it’s not on sale. Buy it full price. I guarantee there will be no buyers remorse. Only ….”edemame”.
Anyone who knows me very well at all, knows that I am more than likely the LEAST athletic person ever. That’s not a joke or exaggeration. I’m hard to watch in any sport. Baseball, football, soccer, Super Mario Brothers….whatever. There are many reasons for this horrible trait of mine.
1. I’m not a fan of noticeably sweating.
2. I’m too good for you and your silly ball.
3. My time is much better spent doing productive things…like checking facebook and complaining about Charter Communications (PS: I had to call them this week BECAUSE THEY MESSED UP MY BILL YET AGAIN and then quickly had to ask Jesus back into my heart after nearly accomplishing committing murder over the phone).
4. I’m better at being awesome without any real applicable skill.
Oh and also, Chris encouraged me to take a sight test while visiting Schuncks yesterday. I remember being a kid and always begging my momma to let me sit in those blood pressure seats at the grocery store so that little cuff could squeeze my arm and give me indiscernible results. Now the dang machine gives you a vision test and even takes a small medical history in order to better estimate what may have caused your vision problems. I know I’ve mentioned here before that I have extremely poor vision on one side of my face. To the extent of that blindness, I was not exactly clear due to the fact that I haven’t seen an eye doctor in over 5 years. Turns out, according to the Schnucks machine…I have 10% vision on my right side. I’d say that’s pretty generous considering I never could discern one letter it gave me on that side. I saw light. But that was about it. It’s like in Return of the Jedi when Han Solo gets unfrozen from the carbonite, they say he can’t see any figures, only changes in light. That’s me. I’m Han Solo on the right side of my face. But that’s pretty cool. Cooler than being Chewbacca on any part of my face.
Regardless of this fact, and maybe even in an effort to test it, Chris took me out to play tennis last night. Why he does things like this, I’ll never truly understand. We spent so much more time chasing balls that I either way over shot (because I have no depth perception) or chasing balls that I miss (because if it’s hit to the right of me it becomes a little yellow fairy flitting around and eventually disapearing into a fuzzy blur).
So Tennis isn’t my sport. We know that for certain. I’m not sure I have a sport outside of competitive sarcasm. That’s a game I rarely lose. It doesn’t take vision or skill. Just a willingness to be misunderstood a lot by people who “just don’t get it”.
